It's so hot my cookies are meltin'!

In walks B-squared.

Walks towards the counter, fingers looking dingy from afar. Upon closer inspection, it turns out that his fingers are covered with a shit-consistency substance. After walking past several piles of vomit on the streets of downtown Jax this morning, just about anything has the ability to set me into dry heaves….

B: [Shoves hand toward my face] huhuhhhuhhuhuhhhhh… looks gross, don’t it?

Me: Yep.

B: huhhuhhhheehhhhehhhh… wanna cookie?

Me: I’m straight.

B: huhhuhuhh… Man, it’s hot out there. These cookies are so fresh they are out the oven and melted outside! It’s so hot that I had to wash my hair in the sink next door.

Me: [….taking a half second to realize that this is B I’m talking to, so I gaze up at his scalp…. Yup. Sure enough…] It’s not quite that serious out there.

B: huhhuhhuhuuuhuhu!!!!!huuuhhhhhu!!!!!!hhhuhuhhhuhuhuhuhuhuhhu!hhuuhuhuhhhh!!!

Just as I thought the urge to barf had subsided, he licks his poop fingers with a slurping noise.

FML.