Mother of the year.

Interactive freelancer walks in.

He says, "I just walked by a mom and baby getting into a car, and I notice that the baby has a helmet on.


"I think to myself, 'Why does a kid that young have a helmet on? Weird.’


"Then the mom goes to put the kid in the car, and whacks it's head on the car doorframe."

It's so hot my cookies are meltin'!

In walks B-squared.

Walks towards the counter, fingers looking dingy from afar. Upon closer inspection, it turns out that his fingers are covered with a shit-consistency substance. After walking past several piles of vomit on the streets of downtown Jax this morning, just about anything has the ability to set me into dry heaves….

B: [Shoves hand toward my face] huhuhhhuhhuhuhhhhh… looks gross, don’t it?

Me: Yep.

B: huhhuhhhheehhhhehhhh… wanna cookie?

Me: I’m straight.

B: huhhuhuhh… Man, it’s hot out there. These cookies are so fresh they are out the oven and melted outside! It’s so hot that I had to wash my hair in the sink next door.

Me: [….taking a half second to realize that this is B I’m talking to, so I gaze up at his scalp…. Yup. Sure enough…] It’s not quite that serious out there.

B: huhhuhhuhuuuhuhu!!!!!huuuhhhhhu!!!!!!hhhuhuhhhuhuhuhuhuhuhhu!hhuuhuhuhhhh!!!

Just as I thought the urge to barf had subsided, he licks his poop fingers with a slurping noise.

FML.