I've been finding some ridiculous (read: funny) shit lately.
I can't believe that my blog hasn't morphed into this, already. Someone beat me to the punch.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
The best years of your life.
Bobby: So you went to Disney World yesterday, huh? That’s so cool.
Me: Yep.
Bobby: Never been there.
Me: Oh.
Bobby: I’ve been to
Me: Yep.
Bobby: You know, I used to do maintenance at a high school! It felt a lot like that. The kids? They used to call me “Cool Guy.” It was real cool. [Insert Family Guy: GIGGITY! Here].It made me feel like I was back in high school. It was a great feeling.
Well, I guess that would explain the 1980 Corvette, huh?
The logic behind Subway's "smokin'" good deal.
Another Wednesday morning, staring out the window and seeing the typical view: homeless checker bets, leaf blowers dragging their job hours out as long as possible, and Subway Dude outside for his 3rd cigarette of the morning (yes, it’s 10:11 a.m.). Bobby walks in.
Bobby: Out there smokin’ with his friend, again.
Me: He’s always out there.
Bobby: You know, I’ve been getting him a pack of smokes and he gives me a sandwich. That’s our deal. But I’m trying to cut back on eating. Plus…(gets quiet, as if about to share a secret…) I’m kinda gettin’ tired of their sandwiches. Plus – cigarette prices went up!
Me: So don’t get him cigarettes. Who cares.
Bobby: Well, he can’t afford cigarettes. That’s why he gives me a sandwich.
Me: It’s not your problem.
Bobby: Well… I’ll see if I’m hungry later.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
More work shenanigan's.
I don't know why my work nickname is Shenanigan's, when it's the ridiculous crap that happens around this place that is the real hootenanny (yep, it's a party, alright. All day every day).
And the other day?
Bumbling B comes gallivanting through the doors for the 3,761st time today, walks over to the counter and sniffs the candle.
B: It smells like a high school.......... A high school gym locker in here..... Huh.huhuhuhhhh.(his laugh, that's the best I can spell it out).
Bumbling B walks in about 45 minutes ago and this conversation ensues:
B-squared: Do you know much about computers?
Me: Yeah.
B-squared: What does the word 'reboot' mean? My computer last night told me I need to 'reboot the system.'
Me: Restart it.
B-squared: Yeah. I'll try that. I thought that might be it.
Welcome to my life.
B: Hey they’ve got sandwiches upstairs leftover, do you want me to go grab you anything?
Me: No, I’m alright. Thanks, though.
B: Yeah, me too. This diet thing. I had four Krystal’s at lunch. I’ve got serious gut bomb.
...............................................................................................................
Pause for effect. Yep, that happened.
And the other day?
Bumbling B comes gallivanting through the doors for the 3,761st time today, walks over to the counter and sniffs the candle.
B: It smells like a high school.......... A high school gym locker in here..... Huh.huhuhuhhhh.(his laugh, that's the best I can spell it out).
Bumbling B walks in about 45 minutes ago and this conversation ensues:
B-squared: Do you know much about computers?
Me: Yeah.
B-squared: What does the word 'reboot' mean? My computer last night told me I need to 'reboot the system.'
Me: Restart it.
B-squared: Yeah. I'll try that. I thought that might be it.
Welcome to my life.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Another Friday...
Not much happenin today. Got into work and it smelled like baby bunghole up in this piece. So that was special. I've had a candle burning all day, and ran rampant spraying air freshener so I wouldn't gag all day. It really was that bad, I was probably the least of the over-exaggerated reactions.
I hate sales people. I'm about to turn down two right now, as they walk in the door and try to convince me that their copier is superior to the ones we're using. I love when they come in pairs, all chatty between the two of them, then turning to face me all at the same time and say "hey there!" as they reach in their pockets, frighteningly at the same time and speed, to hand me their business cards as they read their name off it and hand it over, like some prized possession. Ughh.
Anyway... Kickbacks tonight (naturally), but tonight Sarah and Austin are coming out. So hopefully that should prove to be a good time. Tomorrow will probably involve cleaning for the fam to come next week, perhaps seeing some sunshine, and babying the Doze, as his balls have been removed as of today.... sad trombone indeed.
In conclusion, I hate the smell of poop, dispise salespeople and the awkwardness they place on you, and am glad that I am a homo sapien, so as to not have to worry about being knocked out cold and waking up with my body shaved and privately-kept parts missing.
Have a good weekend!
I hate sales people. I'm about to turn down two right now, as they walk in the door and try to convince me that their copier is superior to the ones we're using. I love when they come in pairs, all chatty between the two of them, then turning to face me all at the same time and say "hey there!" as they reach in their pockets, frighteningly at the same time and speed, to hand me their business cards as they read their name off it and hand it over, like some prized possession. Ughh.
Anyway... Kickbacks tonight (naturally), but tonight Sarah and Austin are coming out. So hopefully that should prove to be a good time. Tomorrow will probably involve cleaning for the fam to come next week, perhaps seeing some sunshine, and babying the Doze, as his balls have been removed as of today.... sad trombone indeed.
In conclusion, I hate the smell of poop, dispise salespeople and the awkwardness they place on you, and am glad that I am a homo sapien, so as to not have to worry about being knocked out cold and waking up with my body shaved and privately-kept parts missing.
Have a good weekend!
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